Aspects of Relationships That Will Withstand Distance

Relationships nowadays are not what they used to be.  People are hooking up for just a couple of months, divorce rates are sky high, and couples are meeting each other over the internet through sites like match.  Long relationships seem to be a thing of the past, and long distance relationships tend to fall apart faster than the couples realize.

Going to college away from your significant other can be challenging seeing as how you won’t see them every day at school like you did while in high school.  It can also be daunting knowing that college is a whole different animal than high school.  You won’t have friends to look over your lover, and you won’t be there, so it is a scary thought for young couples who hope to make it through all four years together.

Communication

Talk to each other daily. This cannot be stressed enough.  Talking is the backbone of a relationship, whether you are living with each other or 1000 miles apart.  Psychcentral.com says, “The key is not to let that fading turn into never having those real conversations.”  This is talking about more serious things than just what you had for dinner.

Texting is a common way to keep in touch with one another, but hearing each other’s voices is something that is needed on a daily basis.  This method is used for small conversations like. calling one another to tell a story before class, or on your way to get food.  Those little conversations are as vital as the “real conversations” in making sure your relationship stays strong.

Listing is just as important as talking. If neither of you listen to what the other is saying you two are going to be fighting a lot, this is unhealthy for a not only a long distance relationship, but any relationship.

When one of you is talking, the other one should engage in the conversation to show that you are not only paying attention, but that you care about the story that is being told.  Even if you don’t really care about how Jill spelled her name wrong on the test, it means something to her because she took time out of her day to tell you.  Psychcentral.com states it best, “it shows a lack of respect for the person, and of course your significant other will pick up on the fact you’re no longer listening.”  So take the time out of yours to talk about it and poke a little fun at the expense of her mistake.

This will not only make her happy, but it did not take much from you to do that.  These little conversations are what will keep your relationship going through the rough times that it is bound to face.

Utilize the technology you have. Now when you head to college you have to have a laptop to succeed in school.  Use that $1000 piece of technology for things other than homework and surfing the web when procrastinating that same homework.

Use sites and apps like Skype, Facetime, and Google Hangouts to talk to them face to face (or screen to screen).  This will help when you missing seeing them, yet you cannot afford the bus ticket, or don’t have the time to make a weekend trip to your significant other.  According to cnet.com, “47 percent [of couples] credit Skype with “keeping the love alive” while far apart.”  You will find out quickly that these applications and sites will become your best friend on tough days where you just want to look at one another but not say anything.

Trust and Commitment

Trust each other. This is the biggest one of all.  If you don’t trust your loved one, the whole relationship will be doomed from the start.  Sites like simplethingsmatter.com call trust, “The foundation of love.”

Being apart from each other means that you will have to put trust in one another when they go out.  It can be hard at first knowing that he or she is around other guy and girls while you are not there to look over them, but if you both trust one another it will get easier.  We all know partying happens at college, and knowing that your partner is out doing that with other people can also be hard.  Howibecametexan.com put it best, “between the phone calls, Skype calls, and text messages-you have absolutely no way of knowing what they are doing.”  But trusting that they know what is right in wrong is crucial, and knowing that when it is all said and done you both know that home is with one another.

Be honest about what you are doing on weekends.  Partners usually get madder if you try to hide something from them, even if it was just that you were drinking with the boys.  Because if you are not straight up with your girlfriend or boyfriend the thought of things that you could be hiding creeps into their mind.  So being honest is the best way to make sure the relationship is open.  Being open with one another is very important if you want to make it to graduation and beyond.

This one may seem like an obvious one, but staying committed will ensure that your long distance relationship will last. If neither of you are committed to one another then the relationship won’t last more than a week.  “Commitment is the part of the relationship that provides safety and security, so couples can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly.’

But if you both are committed to staying with each other through the good and bad times that arise with long distance relationships, then you have a fighting chance to make it all four years.  Being committed is not telling your boyfriend or girlfriend that you have no friends of the opposite sex, it is being able to tell them and know that they are just friends and that you are committed to your current boyfriend/girlfriend.

To go hand in hand with staying committed and trusting, be honest. If you don’t think you are willing to work to keep the relationship going, let your partner know.  Also be honest with them if you start to develop feelings for someone else or if your feelings for them have diminished.

Time Together

Make the most out of the time you do have together.  When you finally get to see your love one for the first time in three months, have a plan.  Do things together, like go to the mall, go to dinner, or go to see a movie.  You finally get to see them, and the worst thing you can do is squander the little time that you have together, so be sure and make the most of it.

If one of you traveled all that way to see the other one and you spend the entire time together fighting, your relationship may not last much further once the weekend is over.  This is also probably one of the first times that you and your loved one have a room together, and where you have to deal with one another 24/7 for a couple of days.  This is a test run of how life would be with them if you both decide that you want to stay with one another past college.

So utilizing the time with things you both enjoy will strengthen the relationship and cause you not to squander it fighting with one another.

This one is tough guys, but it goes hand in hand with the previous tip. Let her win.  I know, I know, you cannot let her win, but you have to.  Sometimes it is not worth fighting about something so little, when you could just let her win and make her happy, while it takes nothing away from you.  A great quote to explain why you should let her win is, “Sometimes [you] just have to let her win, because losing the argument is easier than losing her..”

It will mean a lot to her and she will remember that you let her get her way, so next time you go to the movies or are going out to dinner she may return the favor letting you go to that all you can eat steak place even though she hates steak.  Letting her win the little battles will make you both happier through the duration of your relationship.

Enjoy the little things. According to pbs.com, the little things add up.  Like saying good morning or to leave notes in the middle of your love one’s notebook, so when they reach that page they see the unexpected note that you wrote to them.

Send them flowers when you know they have had a tough week.  Girls love getting flowers, and sending them after a bad week is major brownie points.  Send care packages during exam week filled of their favorite candy, drinks, and a note.

Little things like this will make your love one smile and appreciate how much you do for them.  Pbs said, “paying attention to the small moments and investing them with attention and importance can make a big difference toward a couple’s overall satisfaction in their relationship.”

Life Involvement

Be involved in your loved one’s life. Knowing that he or she has a big test coming up is something that can help both of you.  If you know that test is coming up, you can call them and wish them good luck, or get on Skype and help them study with flash cards.

Ask them what they have going on in their life and take an interest in it.  They may have joined a Harry Potter book club, but you hate to read.  Still show interest because this is something that your significant other really enjoys, so take an active role in their life, and surprise them by watching the movies (because reading the books would take you even longer).

Little things like that to incorporate yourself into their life will help remind them of you every day they do something that you have shown interest in.

Having your own life is very important. Yes, being connected with your love one is very important, but having a life of your own is something that will help both of you in your relationship.  It will give you talking points and stories to talk about with you are with each other.  It will also keep your mind off of them when you are missing them because you are preoccupied with other things going on in your life.

The Huffington Post did an entire article titled “Get a Life!” about why it is important to have your own life outside of your relationship.

This will also key in case your relationship comes to an unfortunate end.  If you were not into anything on campus, you will just sit at home and wallow in your sorrow, which can lead to depression, and can affect your studies.

Being involved will also help you down the line after college when loving for jobs for you or that love one, so be sure to have a life of your own as well or you relationship may get bland.

Knowing each other’s schedules will help keep both of you informed on what the other one is up to.  Pbs claims, “making or scheduling time to connect both emotionally and physically-much in the same way you did when you were first dating-is an important way to maintain and grow you relationship.”

Have your boyfriend or girlfriend send you their school schedule after the make it so they can always refer back to it to know when the other one has class so they know why Sally is not texting them back, or why Bill is ignoring your calls.  This can also help if one of you have not scheduled yet, so you can try and get a similar schedule so you have similar free time to talk to one another.

Future Plans

Think about the end goal. If either of you do not think that the other one is “the one”, then don’t waste your time.  Long distance relationships are hard enough.  It is even harder knowing that you don’t think that it is for forever.

Don’t waste the time that you could be looking for “the one” to try and have something work that will ultimately fail if one of you are not 100% committed to the task it will be.  So sit down with one another and ask each other if this is for the long run or not.

 

If you and your partner follow these rules, your long distance relationship will be as healthy as it possibly can.  Remember that there will be highs and lows of your relationship, like any relationship, but that it will always get better.  And if it doesn’t, then do be afraid to end it.  It is a lot of work, which is why most of them fail, but if you are both faithful, committed and honest you will be able to make it all four years.  Keep in mind that you only have to give up four years together to get the rest of your life together, that helps put it into perspective that four years is not as bad as it could be.